We’re looking for a new kitchen. We don’t want to spend a fortune, so we’re going for an Ikea solution. Trouble is, I can’t bring myself back into their store, only to be stuck for hours in a 20+ customer queue in the kitchen department.

In the beginning, I did everything right. I downloaded Ikea’s software and designed our new kitchen. I measured every detail and had it all figured out. Printed out some nice layouts in 3D. Then I brought along my wife to place the order. We parked our kids at my parents early one sunny Saturday morning, and drove down to the warehouse just as they opened their doors.

Somehow, inexplicably, by the time we got to the kitchen department, dozens of people were already crowding the place, occupying every single Ikea employee in sight. I hate queues. We were there for about an hour, then I’d had it. We left the building, dark clouds hanging over our heads.

I came up with another plan: I left work early on the following Monday to get there ahead of the afternoon rush. What happened? I stood in line for another hour and a half. In the end I actually got to speak to one worn-out employee “ready” to take my order. But no.

They had to plot every single piece of material into their computer all over again, my drawings more or less completely ignored. Why Ikea, why bother with the software!? Really… I spent hours on those drawings.

5, 10, 15, 30 minutes passed - I had to fetch the kids from daycare, so I just couldn’t wait for Ikea to finish any longer. They had to print me an unfinished offer that I grabbed hastily as I left, running out the door, hoping to avoid the traffic rush. I didn’t, as it were…

And this is where I’m stuck. I refuse to go back in there. I hate Ikea. I hate crowds. My wife’s complaining. My dad, who’s offered to help us build the kitchen, is constantly on my back, the old kitchen’s falling apart, door by door.

… …

I’m hiring an architect. F*** Ikea!