I just started reading a new novel, and it opened with this quote from Samuel Johnson, an English writer in the 17th century:

“Were Socrates and Charles the Twelfth of Sweden both present in any company, and Socrates to say, ‘Follow me, and hear a lecture on philosophy;’ and Charles, laying his hand on his sword, to say, ‘Follow me, and dethrone the Czar;’ a man would be ashamed to follow Socrates.”

I knew instantly that I would never so much as look in Charles’ general direction - I’d follow Socrates with no hesitation or shame whatsoever. And then I started thinking: Is that because I’m a coward who will always choose the easy way out? Have I no sense of honor? Am I nothing but a soft pudding of a man, born and bred in an environmentally and economically safe nonviolent middle-class vacuum, I wondered.

And when it comes down to it, I think that may be exactly what I am.

Thank God.

I mean, I do go out on a limb sometimes, but it’s always within the compound of my peaceful, suburban life. And that’s the only kind of life I know, indeed a very different one than that of an Englishman living in 1750. Would I take a bullet for my king and homeland? Probably not - not voluntarily, anyway. Would I take a bullet for my wife and kids? Yes, no doubt. Do I give a shit about honor? What is honor about, anyway? Would I give up my current comfortable existence for the benefit of a fair world? Nah, not entirely anyway. Yet I do try to show some moderation. I don’t spend money excessively, I use public transportation whenever I can, a small percentage of my income goes to charitable causes, I have a modest house, a small and environmentally friendly car. I’m a social worker, helping people out somehow, hopefully…

I’m sorry mr. Johnson, I don’t want to dethrone czars. I want to live The Good Life. The Simple Life. I don’t want to be courageous, I want to be kind and gentle.

I want to know what Socrates has to say. So sue me.

I found these criteria for “unacceptable music” in Josef Skvorecky’s book “The Bass Saxophone.” You’d be forgiven for thinking it’s a joke - it’s not.

Could this in any way account for David Hasselhoff’s current popularity in Germany, I wonder? (Please, please, don’t be offended, my dear German readers, that was just a reflex - I couldn’t help myself… Besides, I’m from Norway - I’m in no position to attack anybody’s taste in music.) Anyway, here we go:

Dance Band Rules and Regulations During the Third Reich
 

1. in the repertoire of light orchestras and dance bands, pieces in fox-trot rhythm (so-called swing) are not to exceed 20%.
    
2. in the repertoire of this so-called jazz type, preference is to be given to compositions in a major key and to lyrics expressing joy in life (”Kraft durch Freude”), rather than Jewishly gloomy lyrics.
    
3. as to the tempo, too, preference is to be given to brisk compositions as opposed to slow ones (so-called blues); however, the pace must not exceed a certain degree of allegro commensurate with the Aryan sense for discipline and moderation. On no account will negroid excesses in tempo (so-called hot jazz) be permitted, or in solo performances (so-called breaks).
    
4. so-called jazz compositions may contain at the most 10% syncopation; the remainder must form a natural legato movement devoid of hysterical rhythmic references characteristic of the music of the barbarian races and conducive to dark instincts alien to the German people (so-called “riffs”).
    
5. strictly forbidden is the use of instruments alien to the German spirit (e.g. so-called cowbells, flex-a-tone, brushes,etc.) as well as all mutes which turn the noble sound of brass-wind instruments into a Jewish-Freemasonic yell (so-called wa-wa, in hat, etc.).
    
6. prohibited are so-called drum breaks longer than half a bar in four quarter beat (except in stylized military marches).
    
7. the double bass must be played solely with the bow in so-called jazz compositions; plucking of strings is prohibited, since it is damaging to the instrument and detrimental to Aryan musicality. If a so-called pizzicato effect is absolutely desirable for the character of the composition, let strict care be taken lest the string is allowed to patter on the sordine, which is henceforth forbidden.
    
8. provocative rising to one’s feet during solo performance is forbidden.
    
9. musicians are likewise forbidden to make vocal improvisations (so-called scat)
    
10. all light orchestras and dance bands are advised to restrict the use of saxophones of all keys and to substitute for them violon-celli, violas, or possibly a suitable folk instrument.