I found these criteria for “unacceptable music” in Josef Skvorecky’s book “The Bass Saxophone.” You’d be forgiven for thinking it’s a joke - it’s not.

Could this in any way account for David Hasselhoff’s current popularity in Germany, I wonder? (Please, please, don’t be offended, my dear German readers, that was just a reflex - I couldn’t help myself… Besides, I’m from Norway - I’m in no position to attack anybody’s taste in music.) Anyway, here we go:

Dance Band Rules and Regulations During the Third Reich
 

1. in the repertoire of light orchestras and dance bands, pieces in fox-trot rhythm (so-called swing) are not to exceed 20%.
    
2. in the repertoire of this so-called jazz type, preference is to be given to compositions in a major key and to lyrics expressing joy in life (”Kraft durch Freude”), rather than Jewishly gloomy lyrics.
    
3. as to the tempo, too, preference is to be given to brisk compositions as opposed to slow ones (so-called blues); however, the pace must not exceed a certain degree of allegro commensurate with the Aryan sense for discipline and moderation. On no account will negroid excesses in tempo (so-called hot jazz) be permitted, or in solo performances (so-called breaks).
    
4. so-called jazz compositions may contain at the most 10% syncopation; the remainder must form a natural legato movement devoid of hysterical rhythmic references characteristic of the music of the barbarian races and conducive to dark instincts alien to the German people (so-called “riffs”).
    
5. strictly forbidden is the use of instruments alien to the German spirit (e.g. so-called cowbells, flex-a-tone, brushes,etc.) as well as all mutes which turn the noble sound of brass-wind instruments into a Jewish-Freemasonic yell (so-called wa-wa, in hat, etc.).
    
6. prohibited are so-called drum breaks longer than half a bar in four quarter beat (except in stylized military marches).
    
7. the double bass must be played solely with the bow in so-called jazz compositions; plucking of strings is prohibited, since it is damaging to the instrument and detrimental to Aryan musicality. If a so-called pizzicato effect is absolutely desirable for the character of the composition, let strict care be taken lest the string is allowed to patter on the sordine, which is henceforth forbidden.
    
8. provocative rising to one’s feet during solo performance is forbidden.
    
9. musicians are likewise forbidden to make vocal improvisations (so-called scat)
    
10. all light orchestras and dance bands are advised to restrict the use of saxophones of all keys and to substitute for them violon-celli, violas, or possibly a suitable folk instrument.

I discovered this graph over at swivel.com the other day. I figure it reveals exactly where the music industry went wrong between 1999 and the present.

It displays a perfectly logical chronological evolution of technology, where new formats gradually replace the old ones. If we went further back in time, we’d probably see similar results for the shift from 78 records to the 45 single, and then from the 45 to the LP.

The curves are pretty close to an ideal product life cycle (PLC) curve in economic theory:

As you can see, there are four stages in the life cycle of a product. Take a look at the graph for cd sales around 1999-2000. It marks the introduction of the decline stage for cds. But there’s no graph to mark the rise - the introduction and growth stage - of its successor, digital music files. That’s because the music industry didn’t start reporting digital sales until 2004. iTunes was introduced in 2003.

That’s close to five years without a legal alternative for the technology that people really wanted - and which they found elsewhere - for free. No wonder then that the music industry is having a hard time trying to change people’s bad habits and turning the negative trend of unauthorized downloading today. They brought it on themselves.

In a Rolling Stone article Jeff Kwatinetz, CEO of management company the Firm, claims that the labels killed themselves in 2001 when they decided to sue Napster for “billions and billions of dollars” instead of embracing a golden opportunity. Says Kwatinetz: “The record business had an unbelievable opportunity there. They were all using the same service. It was as if everybody was listening to the same radio station. Then Napster shut down, and all those 30 or 40 million people went to other [file-sharing services].”

After the music industry shut down Napster, they waited almost two years before offering a “user-friendly” alternative to unauthorized downloading - iTunes.

I mean, what did they think would happen? Did they really expect people to sit quietly and wait for two years, as the major label executives sat down in their exclusive leather arm chairs to develop a strategy that may or may not have included digital downloads?

Napster offered a taste of the future back then, and to me it’s absolutely incomprehensible that the music industry didn’t get it at that point (it’s even more incomprehensible to me that they still don’t get a lot of things about digital downloads, but that’s for another entry.)

So, are you in the mood for a little samba? No? Too bad, here’s one for you anyway.

I wrote about the old 78 records I got from my granddad a couple of days ago. I’ve transferred some of them to mp3, and all my fears were justified. The quality is poor - both what audio quality and musical quality is concerned.

It’s pretty much like that car they dug up in Tulsa - the buried 1957 Plymouth Belvedere - it’s a disappointment, a giant heap of rust… 

But here’s a little piano-rolling gem from virtuoso Ben Light with accompaniment.

It’s called “I Want My Mama,” and as I mentioned, it’s a samba. A quick search on the internet reveals that mr. Light also recorded a song called “Give It To Me Daddy” - there may be some kind of perverse fixation here that I won’t dig any further into.

He also recorded a tune called “I’m Going to Get Me a Robot Man” in the 1940s. And “The Full-Her Brushman!” Some great titles, there.

I assume it’s been out of print for a hundred years - but if I’m offending anyone by streaming this track, please let me know, and I’ll take it down immediately.

System update: My RSS feed has been a little unpredictable since I redirected my blog - some of my old posts suddenly pop up in front of the more recent ones. And I’m hardly getting any hits on the site today, so I’m still experimenting with the settings here to get it right.

It’s not like I had a million readers before, but I do hope to keep the ones I had - so I’ll probably stay up half the night and try to solve these problems.

It’s always like that, isn’t it? Whenever something’s bugging you about your computer? It’s impossible to let it go. Like when you’re fiddling with the system settings and the screen goes all black at 11 p.m. You don’t just turn in for the night, do you? You just have to try this one last thing before you give it up and go to bed? Didn’t work? How about this, then?  Or this….? … 1 a.m. . . 3 a.m. . . .5 a.m.

Suddenly you look at your watch and realize that you’re supposed to be at work…

That’s what happens to me, anyway. It’s always the same - and I’m getting older, so whenever I do something like this these days, I’ll need a week to recover.

Oh my, the trouble I go through for you, my dear five readers…

No, really - I do love solving computer problems - my wife won’t be too happy when I come to bed in the morning, though…

I’m moving my blog from Blogger to a self-hosted Wordpress account. Hopefully I’ve covered all bases, so most of you will be redirected from your old bookmarks.

My new home is http://schiing.terjefjelde.com/, be sure to update your bookmarks. I tried to redirect the RSS feeds, but I didn’t succeed - it actually seems impossible to do that from a Blogger account.

I’m posting this entry on my new site, as well as on the old RSS feed.

So if you’re reading this in a RSS reader, you’ll need to update the feed links.

Here they are:

• Posts: http://schiing.terjefjelde.com/feed
• Comments: http://schiing.terjefjelde.com/comments/feed

My apologies for any inconvenience.

I’ve inherited a bunch of old 78 vinyl records from my granddad, and I’m just about to start transferring them to mp3. I haven’t heard any of them yet, but by the look of it, there’s no point bothering with flac / ape-formats - they haven’t been treated with much love, it seems.

But it’ll be interesting - there’s some old jazz, like Duke Ellington and Dizzy Gillespie. Mostly it’s obscure names, though, probably easy listening. There’s stuff like “Ben Light with instrumental accompaniment”, “Bobby Page and His Musical Pages” and “Peter Kreuder, piano with rhythm”.

Hm - piano with rhythm - is that referring to rhythmic piano playing or to an actual rhythm section, I wonder? This is exciting for me - I’ve always loved digging into all kinds of musical obscurities.

” I never knew love like this before
Now I’m lonely never more
Since you came into my life”

A simple song of love that could relate to a lover, a friend, a child, or even to God for that matter, this lovely little unassuming disco tune makes me feel good every time I hear it. It also makes me think of Janet Jackson’s “Together Again” for some reason. I suppose it’s a bit girlish but I don’t mind. Music brings out some of my more feminine sides - my wife sometimes laughs in disbelief at the pure unmanliness of my playlists. Oh well.

Stephanie Mills, 23 at the time of this release, was already well into her career. She first caught attention at age 9, appearing in the Broadway play “Maggie Flynn”. In the early 1970s she was the opening act for the Isley Brothers, and her 1975 sophomore album was produced by by Burt Bacharach and Hal David.

“Never Knew Love Like This Before” was one of the last disco crossover hits of the era and Mills’ biggest hit to date. It’s written by James Mtume and and Reggie Lucas, who also produced most tracks on her four albums between 1979 and 1982. According to Wikipedia it reached #12 on the U.S. R&B charts and went all the way up to #6 on the pop charts. How does that work, anyway?

The song also won her a Grammy for Best Rhythm & Blues Vocal Performance in 1981. She’s been nominated several times before and after, but this is her only win.

Production-wise it’s a lavish disco arrangement with strictly by-the-numbers guitar-bass-drums accompaniment, a tambourine, background vocals and strings and horns a-plenty.

I’ve often wondered how they could afford to hire a full orchestra on every single disco session at the time. Did they throw in the horn and string players on some special offer when they offered studio time? “Pay Now - Get 40 String Players Cost-Free!”

And what happened to all of those guys when Mellotron’s cheaper heirs finally replaced them in the 1980s? Did they all grow mullets and change their job title to “Synclavier consultant”? Hardly.

In their album review of “Sweet Sensation”, Wilson & Alroy’s Record Reviews - an excellent and entertaining resource - point to “the bell-like keyboards that Madonna would soon turn into a trademark.” They’re right - the keyboards here are straight out of Madonna’s “Borderline.”

Mills has continued as a recording artist until the present, but she’s only released two albums after her last album on a major label in 1992.

She actually revisited the lyrics of this song in a more recent one, “Never Knew Love” from her 2004 album “Born For This!”

“Splashdown” is a great funk tune from Breakwater’s similarly titled swansong album.

Breakwater was formed by Kae Williams, Jr. in Philadelphia in 1971. Veteran record executive Clive Davis - in the news these days because of his public row with Kelly Clarkson about the quality of the songs on her new album - had just started Arista Records, and Breakwater was the first black act to be signed to that label in 1977.

They only released two albums throughout their career, “Breakwater” in 1978 and “Splashdown” in 1980, but they were renowned for being one of the best live acts in the Philadelphia area.

After a futuristic space intro with really annoying synth noises and robot voices, “Splashdown” moves into a seriously groovy landscape with a big, fat horn section (they brought in Quincy Jones regulars Jerry Hey, Gary Grant and Bill Reichenbach to flesh out the sound) and a great production - EW&F, Brothers Johnson, Ohio Players and Kool & the Gang come to mind. At about 4:00 they even set off into a cool soul-jazz groove. The lyrics are as silly as the album cover photo - they’re in the “atmosphere of pleasure” - it’s party-time in space!

The science fiction theme and their freaky costumes was probably inspired by George Clinton and Parliament, but then again, who wasn’t on that wave in the late 1970s?

The “Splashdown” album was produced by frontman Williams, Jr. and Rick Chertoff - Chertoff who, of all things, produced AIR SUPPLY’s “Lost in Love” at the same time! Now that’s versatility!

Among the other cuts on the album is “Release the Beast”, which Daft Punk sampled in their song “Robot Rock” in 2004.

It seems that Breakwater was all about the talents of mr. Kae Williams, Jr. He was the founder and leader of the band, he was the songwriter, arranger, producer, keyboardist, and vocalist. His father, Kae “Loudmouth” Williams, Sr., was a radio personality and a record producer in Philadelphia in the 1950s and 1960s. Kae’s godfather was B.B. King, which of course must be a great start for a young aspiring musician.

After Breakwater split up in the early 1980s, Williams was a member of Change, an Italian/American R&B group where Luther Vandross was also briefly involved. According to his website (nice layout, Kae!), he worked under the Philadelphia-based producer Nick Martinelli for a while and did sessions, production work and writing for acts like U.K.’s Loose Ends and their mid 1980s hit “Hanging on a String”,  BB&Q Band for which he wrote “Imagination”, and he also worked for Bootsie Collins, George Howard, Cyndi Lauper, Pia Zadora and Stevie Nicks (!)

His site further informs us that his career as a producer hit its peak with The Pretty Poison’s crossover hit “Catch Me I’m Falling” in 1988. According to Billboard, it peaked at #104.

I tried to find out, but I really don’t know what he’s been up to in the past 20 years.

Breakwater consisted of Williams, Jr., Gene Robinson (lead vocals/trumpet), James Gee Jones (drums), Linc Gilmore (guitar), Steve Green (bass), Vince Garnell (woodwinds), Greg Scott (woodwinds) and John ‘Dutch’ Braddock (percussion).

You know, I’m an amateur musician, and I’ve been composing music for about 15 years. I’ve also tried for 15 years to write a song lyric, but I’m awful at it - I’ve never completed a lyric. Until yesterday.

It sucks, I’m quite sure. But I’m so proud of the fact that I finally completed one, that I simply must share it with everyone I encounter. So, my dear readers, the turn has come to you. Be amused. Be impressed. Bear in mind though that my concept of rhyming is limited to finishing each sentence with words ending with “-tion.” And remember that English is not my native language. Ok, enough excuses already.

I basically tried to write some serious cock rock with a set of really wimpy lyrics. I guess it ended up as a mix of that, powerpop and prog - I don’t know, really. Listen to it right here and judge for yourselves:

I’ve never sung those high notes before either. If you really like it, and as a very special sign of how much I appreciate you for spending time listening to it, you can download it here.

Now, I promise never to post my music on this blog again.

Random Tracks: I enjoyed this! Here’s another one. Once in a while I’ll let my mp3-player select a random file from my collection. Then I’ll try to dig up some information on the track and share it with you here. It’s a self-educational project - I’m getting to know my own mp3 collection. No downloads, sorry.

Andy Gibb - Fool for a Night (from “Shadow Dancing”, 1978, RSO)

Andy Gibb had a few glorious years from 1977 to 1979. In fact, all of the first three singles from his 1978 album “Shadow Dancing” went to number one in the U.S., and he was the first artist ever to achieve it.

He had a breezy, comfortable voice, charisma, and his music was boosted infinitely by the magical stardust and impossibly ethereal and glamourous disco sound of his Bee Gees big brothers at the time.

Sadly, the fairy tale only lasted a couple of years for Andy; by 1980 it was pretty much over. Maybe it had a little to do with changing musical trends - but mostly it had to do with Andy himself. Andy Gibb had, so the story goes, serious problems dealing with his success. He developed a massive cocaine addiction and died of an inflammatory heart disease only 30 years old in 1988.

“Fool for a Night” is my least favorite tune on “Shadow Dancing”. The album is a very light but generally pleasurable affair. It reminds me of happiness, summer, childhood and ice cream. It has a couple of gorgeous Bee Gees leftovers, some decent tunes by Andy himself and a few not so great. “Fool for a Night” was penned by Andy and is a slight piece of pop pap clocking in at 3:20.

Listening to it, I imagine a positively happy-go-lucky blond guy strolling along on his toes to this limp, tip-a-ti-toe rhythm arrangement. Sporting a pink t-shirt, 501 jeans and white sneakers he’s desperately trying to put on a serious face as he’s singing along.

It’s the kind of song it’s absolutely impossible to move around to, let alone dance to - even though it’s a pretty up-tempo affair.

It’s more of a “move your head from a side to a side with a dorky smile and raise your eyebrows” kind of song - especially so if you have a decent mop.

Basically, the song is about a guy warning someone against following their impulses without considering the consequences - “you’d be a fool to fall for a night” - but still offering them a safe haven if they should fail - “time will turn you back to me.” I guess it could be the words of a protective ex-lover or a dad - but I can’t help imagining it’s Andy impersonating the wiser and older Barry (in white spandex pants, no less) giving advice to the young, impressionable Andy.

The chorus introduces some advanced interplay between music and lyrics. Whenever Andy sings “why be a fool for a night” and “you’d be a fool to fall for a night”, the string section promptly emphasize the protagonist’s concern for his subject with downward glissandi - thus suggesting the potential fall (from grace, or whatever.) The sheer whimsicality of the chorus is a bit confusing to me. Maybe it’s referring to the impulsive nature of its subject? Whatever…

Towards the end of the song a couple of clever key changes lift up the bridge, thus adding to the drama of the lyric, along with a little more somber string chords: “…if you run away / you can’t escape from the price you pay…” and so on - this is the moral of the story - finally returning us to the chorus, bringing it up a half tone.

Andy then putters through the chorus a couple of times - aand fadeout. Done!

“Fool for a Night” was never released as a single in the U.S., and it’s easy for me to understand why. It was, however, released as a B-side to the single “Why” in the U.K.

This track was produced by Albhy Galuten and Karl Richardson and arranged by Galuten. Musicians: Joey Murcia and Tim Renwick on guitars, George Bitzer on keys, Harold Cowart on bass and finally Ron Ziegler on drums along with Joe Lala on percussion.